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How to Identify a Spousal Batterer



STEP 1:
Look to see if he or she isolates the spouse from friends and family.

Claims family members exclude him/her.

Portrays them as mean or abusive.

Lying, withholding family messages, phone calls.

Not acknowledging gifts or favors.

Appearing to be the victim. Is never wrong.

Is always the injured party.

Attempts to distort the spouse’s view of his family and friends.

STEP 2:
Make note if he or she calls their spouse degrading or hurtful names or makes fun of them “is just kidding.”

STEP 3:
Watch out for signs of cruelty and/or abuse towards animals or children. Excludes stepchildren. Treats them differently then “his/hers.”

STEP 4:
Notice if this person denies his/her anger at the same time that he/she displays signs of it. They may also be unwilling to admit or discuss their problems.

STEP 5:
Keep your eyes open for an out of control temper, or emotional outburst, crying etc. over a small thing or event.

STEP 6:
Make note if he/she gets easily defensive, or hears criticism when it's not meant that way.

STEP 7:
Consider his/her childhood and background. People who have grown up in abusive households or been in abusive relationships are more likely to take abusive action towards their own family.

STEP 8:
Look into his or her background, keeping your eyes open for information by old boyfriends/girlfriends, employers. What is his/her work history. Do they “hate” former employers, friends, family, etc.”

STEP 9:
Remember that an absence of long-term, close relationships of any kind may be a sign of personal instability.

Tips & Warnings

An abusive relationship is often characterized by the following cycle.

First things are calm.

Suddenly, an event triggers anger or emotional, crying etc. outbursts,
followed by a "honeymoon" with apologies, claims to change, agreeing to go to counseling, or gift giving, and using sex.

Things become calm again and the cycle repeats itself over another minor occurance.

Source: How to Identify a Spousal Batterer

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