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through the looking glass

This blog speaks to bullies- yours and mine. The message is: We have informed ourselves about your traits and tendencies and why you behave the way you do and why and how you choose your targets. We have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure you out. We have answers. We have mechanisms to stop you and to free ourselves from your disordered behavior.

We have a word for those whom you have enlisted to join in your attacks on us. Those who have aligned themselves with you are your unwitting pawns. You care about them only so long as they will promote your agenda of hate. Others who stood by silently and did nothing to defend us have reasons of their own. They have their own unresolved issues. They hurt us only so long as we were uninformed about bullying dynamics.

The experts (Tim Field and others) tell us you choose your targets because they have character. You hate that. You target them because of your low self-esteem and your need to feel important and your need to control others.

You want people to feel sorry for you. You accomplish this by speaking half-truths, exaggerations and out and out lies about how people treat you. When your agenda becomes known, others fearing they will be your next target, will distance themselves and you will find yourself standing alone on stage. Justice happens.

IF WE HELD A MIRROR UP TO YOU, I doubt you would see what we see. You may not get the picture. Bullies remain clueless unless they get help. Often they are very reluctant to do so.

A bully can be:

emotionally immature

selectively friendly

sickening sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, ignoring the rest

a tendency to be cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are

overfriendly, helpful, or generous with their new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working relationship

manipulative of people's perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner

manipulative with guilt

use flattery to keep a person in authority on side

treats everything as a drama, usually a poor-me drama

prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention

capitalizes on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention

exploits others' SUFFERING AND GRIEF as a vehicle for gaining attention

misappropriates others' statements, for control and attention-seeking

makes excuses for everything

shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged

has lots of self-pity

often feels miserable, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the act of deceiving

demanding of others

easily provoked

feigns victim hood when held accountable, usually by bursting into tears or claiming they're the one being bullied

presents as a false victim when outwitted

may feign exclusion, isolation or persecution

can be malicious

constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight. The focus of their life is to be the centre of attention

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